Ruby of Siam

"Good things come to those who wait. Be patient." - My fortune cookie

In the Newtown neighborhood of Sydney, Australia there are approximately 30 Thai restaurants that offer $6 lunch specials and contain the word "Thai" somewhere in their name. Thai My Shoe, Thai-Tanic, Thai-Rific, etc. I promise you, and in doing so I deny every urge and temptation my sense of humor cultivates in me, that I will not make this blog post an endless stream of cheap puns (this week) and will only use one such joke.

Anderson had this one, but I think it was meant for me

Like most of the best things America has to offer this week's Loop Lunch Club experience was made in Thailand, or at least at Ruby of Siam at 170 W Washington. Rob Anderson, the man responsible for this week's selection, stirred up some excitement among The LLC by employing the time-tested technique of combining caps lock, exclamation points, and the word "buffet" in a single email. What man could resist a "THAI BUFFET!!!!" If you check out the poll to the right (closing april 5th) you'll find I'm actually asking...Be sure to read the rest of this post to figure it out!

BLC - Bangkok Lunch Club

Ruby of Siam's greatest asset is its atmosphere. The place looks great. Despite being only 15 yards from the blustering Washington St traffic I felt tucked away in the quiet, peaceful oasis of the nation formerly known as Siam. Unlike Taza, whose decorations hardly reflected the culture of its cuisine; Ruby of Siam developed their cultural motif to a level that prompted Dan Ofman to state upon arrival, "What a nice setting." Statuettes and backlit traditional prints balanced the more modern, though equally tranquil presence of the digital slideshows that showcased the tropical landscapes of Thailand. The walls at Ruby of Siam combined all the benefits of screen savers and high school field trips to ancient art exhibits without any of the extreme boredom normally associated with the two.

Looking over the menu I noticed the numerical listing of 119 items. I quickly disregarded them all knowing full well I came for the buffet. Admittedly, I had my doubts after reading through the menu's welcome note. Could a buffet really offer dishes "prepared just the way you like them?" And if the food is going to "satisfy my every desire" should I expect to leave Ruby of Siam with a better job, a girlfriend, and a settled stomach? I was pleasantly surprised to go 1 for 3 on that. I also grew suspicious that the word "Thai" was being placed before items to make them sound more exotic than they actually were. Thai coffee? Thai iced tea? Thai custard? Are these not just coffee, iced tea, and custard? If not for the passionate warning from Anderson I would have ordered a Thai lychee and honeydew bubble drink. "I vowed never to take another sip," said a white faced Anderson with wide, watering eyes fixated on that infamous memory of imbibing that damnable bubble drink of his past.

Everyone except Ofman, including guest attendee Don "No Name" Something Or Other opted for the buffet. "I guess I'll brave it," Said No Name as he moved for the stack of plates, "and just see what happens." That's really the only appropriate attitude heading into a buffet.

It's not the size of the buffet, but the motion of the Indian Ocean
that really matters

"I will say this," said a disappointed Spira, who clearly had something more to say, "I expected a slightly larger buffet." Ruby of Siam's buffet was as short as Thailand is long (about 1,100 miles north to south) and while I agree that a buffet should provide more choices than we had available to us, quality is more important than quantity.

"The noodle dishes were better than I thought they'd be," said Anderson, fully recovered from his bubble drink relapse. "There were at least 3 or 4 good options." Honestly, one truly good option at a buffet is more than enough to exceed my expectations. That being the case, this buffet did indeed exceed. I enjoyed it, didn't feel sick, and even though some dishes were a little cold by the time I got to the table I still found the overall quality far above buffet average.

Fan Tong translates to Rice Bucket in Chinese

Fan Tong Ofman, who ordered fried rice (no onions), displayed a total lack of morality and complete disregard for buffet etiquette by demanding someone retrieve broccoli for his own personal consumption. As a brother, this brought me great shame. I found I could only cleanse myself of this dishonorable buffet behavior through perusal of the dessert section. "Doesn't look like anything special," said Spira with preternatural foresight.

Two plates with fortune cookies allow customers to control their own fate

In the end Lake was right when he said, "The buffet was the right call." Though I think he meant to say, "THE BUFFET WAS THE RIGHT CALL!!!!"

Ruby or Siam Notes:

• Dan Ofman's new credit card is shiny
• The Soup was a bowl of nightmares