Siam Rice

"Romantic and entertaining...for older teens." - Film critic Nell Minow on 'Love, Actually'

The last time The Loop Lunch Club indulged in Thai cuisine I limited myself to only one 'thai' based pun: Rubens-thai-n. Danny "Hugh Grant" Rubenstein was quick to point out my inaccuracy, stating the correct pronunciation is Rubens-teen. This, appropriately, makes him the oldest teen I know and therefore part of the proper demographic for his all time favorite Rom-Com, 'Love, Actually'.

Falling in line with the popular colloquialism "Once you go Thai, you never go awry" The LLC met for the penultimate lunch of our seemingly all Asian cuisine themed second tour this past Wednesday at Siam Rice at 117 N Wells. Steve "Late" Lake made this week's selection and, in being reliably late, left the on time Ofman brothers with the opportunity to both absorb the surprisingly chic ambiance of Siam Rice while also grumbling incessantly about our fellow Late Lunch Clubbers.

"Notice the lateness of everybody," Dan "Fan Tong" Ofman said to me as I looked out past the bar seating at the tranquil, low hanging conic light fixtures. "Disappointed in the promptness," continued Rice Bucket Ofman as I took note of the autographed posters of several critically acclaimed stage productions, including Broadway mainstays like The Lion King, Wicked, and Bring It On - The Musical! Also hanging at Siam Rice were multiple "bless this mess" suburban kitchen decor wooden signs that I would never have associated with Thai food. Then again, who am I to question a 2003 "Thai Select" honoree (below).

Coincidence they were awarded the same year Love, Actually hit theaters? Also wondering, is this as prestigious as Baker's Square's plaque from the American Pie Council?

I tried to explain how I, being the life of the party, should be
allowed to sit right away, but it was lost in translation

Eventually, after much waiting (left), The LLC got a chance to sit down and check out the menu. Like most Thai menus the dishes are numbered to eliminate the childish giggling of immature Americans who can't keep a straight face when ordering items like Phuket Noodles (#35). "I feel compelled to order a chef's recommendation," Said Dan Spira as he rolled his sleeves up, and then quickly back down following a breeze from the door. It was right about the time the spring rolls hit the table that Danny "Preview Popcorn" Rubenstein made his first undetected and unappreciated reference to 'Love, Actually.'  The spring roles were about as bland and predictable as Rubenstein's mainstream taste in movies.

With the extra week of anticipation between LLC outings there was plenty of time for experienced Siam Rice patrons to tout the unsurpassed speed in which dishes were prepared and served. I could have written this blog post in the time we waited. "They're off their game," said Late Lake. "Definitely off their game," echoed special guest Soandso Deli? (I have no idea what this guy's name is). The expected wait time of 7.5 minutes, decided on through an extended email chain, was surpassed by a large margin. This didn't sit well with Spira, who, staring at me with hungry eyes stated, "20 minutes..."

Looks like caramel, right?

Food finally arrived for all but Late Lake and myself, who were left to pine for our pineapple fried rice as the others dug in. This extra waiting didn't curry favor for a positive review. As always, that pun was intended. As I waited our waitress returned and asked if there was anything else we needed. "I think they still need their food," Rubenstein said, removing all doubt concerning whether my lunch would be spit in.

Notice the chunks on the side

"Ryan Gosling," I heard Late Lake say out of context, "what a babe!" Before I could inquire my food arrived to a chorus of rave presentation reviews. "That's a big mound of rice," said Spira, who in sitting next to me in a somewhat loud restaurant has been quoted a ton this week. He went on to call my addition of peanut sauce to the fried rice a "smart move." I would have preferred the pineapple chunks to be mixed into the rice but that was an easily remedied demerit that was more than overcome by the positive response I had to finding cashews in the mound of rice. "It's tart and amusing, but carries a slightly cloying aftertaste," I thought to myself of my lunch, which is strange because that's the same thing film critic Judith Egerton said of 'Love, Actually.'

"Pretty good," Rice Bucket Ofman said of his onion-free rice, "I'm enjoying it." Chewing his bendy straw and looking at the satisfied faces of The LLC he further observed, "A lot of clean plates today."

When asked if he had a passing infatuation with Thai food Rubenstein
replied, "No, it's love, actually"

Siam Rice Notes:

• After punning that Rubenstein's wealth of pop culture knowledge warranted the nickname "Googlestein" Dan Ofman pointed out that he's been on fire with his jokes the last two weeks.
• Absence of Godfather Rob "Too Busy, Forgot" Anderson due to lack of prioritizing.
• Chop sticks on request only.
• Rubenstein must have used the word "zing" approximately 12 thai-mes.