Perry's Deli

"I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich." - Homer Simpson

Homer comes to this realization at the end of an episode in which he takes cannonball fire to the stomach at a nearly fatal rate.  Lunching at Perry's Deli at 174 N Franklin is like taking cannonball sized club sandwiches to the stomach at a fatal rate.  Perry's, chosen by Nick Nikitas as the fourth of sixteen meeting points, is renowned for having some of the most sizable sandwiches in town, but are they big enough to satisfy The LLC?

I found the metallic spider ventilation system pretty neat

Perry's has an old school feel to it.  Framed head shots and photos of The Three Stooges, Lucille Ball, The Ratpack, and of course, Ditka cover the walls but are disappointingly lacking in autographs.  Sprinkled among the smiling celebrities are warnings concerning the "no cell phone" policy.  The staff enforces this rule through the use a blaring siren that will not stop until the call ended button is pressed and the offending patron is evil eyed by the entire customer base.  The staff does not smile while they sound the alarm, which I twice confused for Rob's ringtone.  The technophobic stance fit well with the choice of programming on the two flat screen televisions: Off.

These men must really hate the alarm, it's pretty loud

The patrons at Perry's Deli were generally older, balder, and more bespectacled than those of the previous three LLC locations.  The line leading to the counter could easily be confused with a casting call for a documentary about the GOP or possibly a police line up of white collar criminals, though the two options aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.

Perry's menu claims their sandwiches are "the biggest and best in Chicago (and maybe even the world)." Dan Spira wasn't convinced, stating, "I doubt it." He then wiped his hands slowly before reiterating with confidence, "I highly doubt it." Perhaps a bigger sandwich can be found somewhere out there, but that's not to say Perry's weren't absolutely massive.  Each colossus required two plates as a foundational support along with four extra durable toothpicks to maintain the structural integrity of its triple decker deliciousness. After consuming only half of mine I blacked out.  When I came to my belt was unbuckled, the second half of my sandwich was encased in saran wrap and I was covered in a cold sweat that smelled suspiciously of coleslaw and russian dressing.

I've seen dogs on the street smaller than this.  Am I supposed to eat it or be eaten by it? Looks like Rob ate all of his in one bite, doesn't it?

"I like the bread," said Anderson as he smiled to Nikitas, acknowledging his top-notch selection.  Nikitas, seated at the head of the table, was clearly having a fantastic day.  Not only had he made a great selection for The LLC but he had also passed the CFA exam and planned to play virtual golf instead of go back to work in the afternoon.  Much like the possible outcomes in a game of "Apples to Apples" the potential for fun in his day was VIRTUALLY LIMITLESS! To use an antiquated phrase, it was Nikitas Time.

Perry's Notes:

• A sign in the door instructed visitors to "pull hard".  No "push hard" sign was necessary upon exiting as anyone who had eaten there could lean their newfound poundage into the door and force it open with ease.
• Absence of Chris "Crisis" Hartemayer due to a crisis.  Special guest appearance by Ryan "The Anti-crisis" Carlsen
• In light of Nick's wonderful day, a heated debate took place over the hypothetical inconsistencies of a real life "Groundhog Day" scenario.