Pastoral

"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." - G.K. Chesterton

Perhaps the poets simply lacked a muse as inspiring as the arrangement of cheeses offered by Pastoral at 53 W Lake. Dan Spira's selection for The LLC's eight meeting, the quaint artisan cheese and bread shop, was a welcome change of pace for the group.  "This does have a European flair to it," said Nick Nikitas, aptly describing the single table store lined by bottles of wine, fresh baked bread and organic preserves. If not for the juxtaposition of the all 80's pop soundtrack one could easily have mistaken Pastoral for Positano. I arrived half way through "Take on me" and left with "Love is a battlefield" stuck in my head.

They had olives to sample, but not any of these cheeses.

If you're looking for a sandwich atmosphere for an NFL Sunday I recommend Perry's Deli. If you're looking for a sandwich atmosphere for some Frasier reruns I recommend Pastoral.  That being said, Pastoral does offer free beer and wine tasting events that both John Madden and Kelsey Grammer could enjoy.  Being only partially employed and less than a year removed from college I came dangerously close to ordering a morning beer, but having just brushed my teeth it seemed especially unappetizing.

The menu at Pastoral is almost as difficult to decipher as the check from The LLC's earlier trip to The Pittsfield Cafe. Most sandwich options had a minimum of one word that I will simply never know the meaning of but will always assume could be replaced by 'cheese'. I chose not to go for the add-ons, not because I don't like them, but mainly because I wasn't sure if "quince and apple fig black tea spread" goes well with a BLT. They also offer whole grain mustard. I wonder how that works.

At the risk of sounding like a sandwich art elitist I simply can no longer think of the work produced by Subway employees as art.  A Subway sandwich is like a caricature when compared to the well crafted edible art form that is the Pastoral Bacon Lettuce Tomato Avocado.  With each bite more bits of bacon would fall and collect in a salted and cured pile of prosciutto. It was nice having those to look forward to. I made the wise decision to "pastoralize" my lunch. It turns out that meant I added drinks, chips and a cookie. It didn't mean the sandwich was blessed by an ordained Christian leader.  The rest of The LLC didn't seem quite as taken with their lunch experience.

I thought the bread was the best part.

"Everything tastes different," said Dan Ofman as he grimmaced at his San Pellegrino, "it's like it's...of better quality."  It's important to remember that Dan has a caricature in his bedroom of his adolescent self knocking a dinger out of Comiskey Park and is a regular Subway consumer. He's also a Nicholas Cage fan. Some people don't understand art.

A guest of The LLC and hopeful 'Chopped' contestant, Steve Lake, had this to offer: "The bread is too hard, it hurts my fragile mouth."

Echoing this sentiment was another guest, Nick's fiance Liza Wadlington, who thought her sandwich was "awkward to eat." Perhaps this is because she never took hers out of it's original casing.  I welcome the challenge of hard bread and appreciate the animalistic ripping of my food to shreds with my teeth.

The post meal silence was broken by none other than Dan Spira, who declared his selection a success.  "Very tasty," he exclaimed, with both an inflated stomach and sense of self worth, "good choice by me."

Yes, Dan. Good choice.

Pastoral Notes:

• There was an expected absence of Rob Anderson and a last minute cancellation from Crisis Chris.
• Dan Ofman was worried his chair would collapse beneath him.
• I'd like to print a retraction for last week's post. I've been told Kirstie Alley has once again dropped some weight. Sorry Kirstie.