Ruby of Siam

"Good things come to those who wait. Be patient." - My fortune cookie

In the Newtown neighborhood of Sydney, Australia there are approximately 30 Thai restaurants that offer $6 lunch specials and contain the word "Thai" somewhere in their name. Thai My Shoe, Thai-Tanic, Thai-Rific, etc. I promise you, and in doing so I deny every urge and temptation my sense of humor cultivates in me, that I will not make this blog post an endless stream of cheap puns (this week) and will only use one such joke.

Anderson had this one, but I think it was meant for me

Like most of the best things America has to offer this week's Loop Lunch Club experience was made in Thailand, or at least at Ruby of Siam at 170 W Washington. Rob Anderson, the man responsible for this week's selection, stirred up some excitement among The LLC by employing the time-tested technique of combining caps lock, exclamation points, and the word "buffet" in a single email. What man could resist a "THAI BUFFET!!!!" If you check out the poll to the right (closing april 5th) you'll find I'm actually asking...Be sure to read the rest of this post to figure it out!

BLC - Bangkok Lunch Club

Ruby of Siam's greatest asset is its atmosphere. The place looks great. Despite being only 15 yards from the blustering Washington St traffic I felt tucked away in the quiet, peaceful oasis of the nation formerly known as Siam. Unlike Taza, whose decorations hardly reflected the culture of its cuisine; Ruby of Siam developed their cultural motif to a level that prompted Dan Ofman to state upon arrival, "What a nice setting." Statuettes and backlit traditional prints balanced the more modern, though equally tranquil presence of the digital slideshows that showcased the tropical landscapes of Thailand. The walls at Ruby of Siam combined all the benefits of screen savers and high school field trips to ancient art exhibits without any of the extreme boredom normally associated with the two.

Looking over the menu I noticed the numerical listing of 119 items. I quickly disregarded them all knowing full well I came for the buffet. Admittedly, I had my doubts after reading through the menu's welcome note. Could a buffet really offer dishes "prepared just the way you like them?" And if the food is going to "satisfy my every desire" should I expect to leave Ruby of Siam with a better job, a girlfriend, and a settled stomach? I was pleasantly surprised to go 1 for 3 on that. I also grew suspicious that the word "Thai" was being placed before items to make them sound more exotic than they actually were. Thai coffee? Thai iced tea? Thai custard? Are these not just coffee, iced tea, and custard? If not for the passionate warning from Anderson I would have ordered a Thai lychee and honeydew bubble drink. "I vowed never to take another sip," said a white faced Anderson with wide, watering eyes fixated on that infamous memory of imbibing that damnable bubble drink of his past.

Everyone except Ofman, including guest attendee Don "No Name" Something Or Other opted for the buffet. "I guess I'll brave it," Said No Name as he moved for the stack of plates, "and just see what happens." That's really the only appropriate attitude heading into a buffet.

It's not the size of the buffet, but the motion of the Indian Ocean
that really matters

"I will say this," said a disappointed Spira, who clearly had something more to say, "I expected a slightly larger buffet." Ruby of Siam's buffet was as short as Thailand is long (about 1,100 miles north to south) and while I agree that a buffet should provide more choices than we had available to us, quality is more important than quantity.

"The noodle dishes were better than I thought they'd be," said Anderson, fully recovered from his bubble drink relapse. "There were at least 3 or 4 good options." Honestly, one truly good option at a buffet is more than enough to exceed my expectations. That being the case, this buffet did indeed exceed. I enjoyed it, didn't feel sick, and even though some dishes were a little cold by the time I got to the table I still found the overall quality far above buffet average.

Fan Tong translates to Rice Bucket in Chinese

Fan Tong Ofman, who ordered fried rice (no onions), displayed a total lack of morality and complete disregard for buffet etiquette by demanding someone retrieve broccoli for his own personal consumption. As a brother, this brought me great shame. I found I could only cleanse myself of this dishonorable buffet behavior through perusal of the dessert section. "Doesn't look like anything special," said Spira with preternatural foresight.

Two plates with fortune cookies allow customers to control their own fate

In the end Lake was right when he said, "The buffet was the right call." Though I think he meant to say, "THE BUFFET WAS THE RIGHT CALL!!!!"

Ruby or Siam Notes:

• Dan Ofman's new credit card is shiny
• The Soup was a bowl of nightmares

Taza

"To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness." - Confucius

Before The Loop Lunch Club's most recent meeting I didn't believe that any man had the moral capacity and strength of heart to embody Perfect Virtue. However, after dining at Taza at 176 N Franklin and meeting The Proprietor I've discovered a newfound faith in my fellow man. The Mediterranean grill was Steve "Just a little late" Lake's choice as The LLC2's tenth meeting site and will forever be remembered as the workplace of the most virtuous service professional we've encountered in months.

Mr. Moore places an order

Taza is directly adjacent to defending LLC Champion Perry's Deli, and like its neighbor has signs discouraging cell phone usage and advising patrons to "pull hard" on the door. I typically increase the strength with which I pull until a door opens or I tire out and, to protect my masculine ego, decide it must be locked before moving on with my life. having also met at Goodwin's just across the street The LLC is literally eating away at this block of Franklin. With two more options within range of a Tim Tebow Hail Mary (and three within a Manning throw) I'm sure we'll back for more.

Luckily for me the door was wedged open allowing easy, non ego threatening access to the restaurant. My first impression of Taza wasn't promising. The sparsely decorated walls were painted a light green color that I lauded in my review of Pollito's for cultivating a festive atmosphere but seemed out of place at Taza. Perhaps I was put off by the small bug I spied scurrying across the tile. Nobody's to blame for the bug's presence seeing as the door needed to be open to allow much needed airflow and no creature, man or bug, can resist the siren's call of fresh falafel. Despite the atmosphere I had a good feeling about the food. Taza is first and foremost a carryout spot, though the dining area can accomodate a fair amount of grizzed loop lunch veterans who know how to handle tight spaces.

The bite that solidified my
decision to order much more of these

My first contact with The Proprietor preceded the arrival of The LLC. This was a man with an accent as thick as his beard, a man who I would soon discover possessed all of Confucius's Big 5 in his eyebrows alone. Sensing my hunger and intuitively understanding the lateness to which The LLC has become accustomed the saintly figure handed me a sample falafel.

Beating the lunch rush by crucial minutes The Loop Lunch Club formed a line (a Taza Strip, if you will) at the counter and Lake sagely recommended the turkey shawarma. "The hummus is among us," mumbled return guest Eric Moore, who would go on to surprise me with a series of pretty good jokes at the table. As I was ordering, a tardy Dan Spira, Esquire, cut ahead of the long line of honest citizens in the fashion of a ruthless attorney hell-bent on spreading misery to the lives of normal people. Lawyers...am I right?

This is the point where I stop writing to watch this clip from The LLC's unofficial sponsor The Voice:
Some people want it all, others just want lunch.

"I can't decide how to go about eating this," said Jenny Sammarco, displaying an understandable mix of confusion and nerves. Making her LLC debut at a place with no clear cut silverware application technique isn't an enviable position, much like being an NBA rookie center asked to defend the league's best big men in the playoffs. We can't all be Asik.

An incredibly tasty meal. I wonder if Rob Anderson would call it the best falafel he's ever had...

The Proprietor would return to
stack them even higher

Looking at an empty bowl of lentil soup Lake announced, "I can't eat any more lentil soup." It turns out he wasn't just out of soup, but was also "ridiculously full." At this point The Proprietor returned with a basket of falafel and explained his policy of delivering one falafel every five minutes. He went on to point out I'd been there nearly an hour and thus he felt a need to keep 'em coming. "Very, very, very hot!" He warned of the falafel that, much like him, appeared crunchy on the outside but was incredibly warm, earnest, and sincere on the inside.

Shoveling the hot falafel down my gullet I heard my name called out and looked up to see the familiar face of Glencoe, Illinois baseball legend Luke Sundheim. Sundheim quickly and deservingly mocked me for being underdressed and went on his way. Normally I'd be mad, but I'll forever be in debt to him for his generous strike zone during the 1997 house league baseball playoffs. "Strike three!" He yelled across the diamond following a ball that was clearly high and inside. This left all three opposing base-runners to hang their heads in shame as my teammates mobbed me on the mound. We would go on to lose the next game.

As The LLC rose to leave, already more than satisfied, The Proprietor stopped us for one more exhibition of generosity. Baklava appeared on the table as if from nothingness. The Proprietor kindly said, with sincerity, earnestness, and the utmost gravity, "We'd love to see you here again." It would be perfectly virtuous of us to return.

Flaky, crunchy, chewy, sweet, and it travels well. Now that's what I call Baklava.

Taza Notes:

• Absence of Rob Anderson
• Really cool old school punch clock for employees
• Zero Mentions of Rubenstein and Dan Ofman this week.

Encore

"It has been well documented that great white sharks prefer brisket over bacon." - George Burgess

The LLC, more like The LL FanCy

The ninth meeting of The Loop Lunch Club's second season was held this past Thursday at Encore, a stylish restaurant in the lobby of the Allegro Hotel at 171 W Randolph. Danny "White Snake" Rubenstein had selected this week's spot and emailed the group informing each of us to dress business casual and arrive at "11:45 sharp." When someone who just returned from an esteemed international karaoke competition in Japan tells me to look good and be somewhere "sharp" my expectations are heightened for both quality, and with less enthusiasm, price.

Dedicated reader(s) will recall The LLC's trip to Petro's and Rob Anderson's astonished reaction to the neon martini glass he spied out the window. That neon martini belongs to Encore, a restaurant that is the antithesis of Petro's. Encore will undoubtedly be the most modern and chic LLC experience of the season. Evidence for this can be seen in the phrase "Lunch Club and Liquid Lounge" that appeared on the snakeskin bound menus. I'm confident no other restaurant we patronize will be built around a circular bar that offers $400 bottles of wine.

Not your typical table

LLC Godfathers Anderson, Dan Spira, and Dan Ofman arrived on time and took seats at our strangely shaped corner booth. "Nice nook," said Anderson of the table whose shape resembled the body type of Blinky, the infamous leader of the Pac-Man ghosts. Waters and diet Pepsis were placed atop copious cocktail napkins. Despite having so many coaster options within arms reach I'm sad to report that neither Ofman or Anderson respect wood.

My busy schedule of once weekly blog posting and daily deep-dish consumption doesn't leave much time for television, but I'm well apprised of TV happenings anyway. Ten minutes with this trio and you'll get your fill of The Voice (and the experience of being a guest on The View). Honestly, not a minute passed before The Voice discussion broke out. "Blah blah blah," said one. "Blah blah blah," said another. This engaging discourse was brought to an end by the arrival of a jeans and sweatshirt wearing Bert and Ernie duo, 15 very sharp minutes late. With the full group in attendance the menu was reviewed. I was surprised by the variety and the reasonable prices. Using a popular terminology, the menu's "big 3" were the brisket, the pork, and the beef tenderloin. "The brisket is the far superior sandwich," said Steve "Great White" Lake. He went on to describe it as, "legendary."

Stick this in your business
casual and smoke it. Editors Note:
I wore a suit for unrelated purposes and
my neck isn't quite as thin as it appears here

The service at Encore will hurt its chances come tournament time. It was slow and often ineffective. Anderson's much discussed and highly anticipated wasabi coleslaw was mistakenly served as a side of fresh fruit and there was an unordered chicken salad brought to the table. I'll remind you of our Big 3 and let you decide if those items belonged on our plates. Refills were few and far between, but I will admit they knew how to refill in style. "That was astounding," I said to Anderson after his diet Pepsi was refilled from a pitcher. He and I both opened our mouths to stop the server thinking he'd be pouring water, only to find pepsi emerge from the ewer. Our eyes widened in disbelief like children unaware that there were really two people in that box and those legs wiggling independently from the head of the lovely assistant belonged to a fully intact and totally separate individual hiding in the other half of the box.

"This lunch has taken a turn for the better," said Great White Lake as the food was served. I think it's safe to say lunch always gets better with food (except perhaps at Petro's). My BBQ pork was tangy and tasty. It didn't melt in my mouth, which is fine because it's pork and I enjoy chewing it. I regretted my order when I realized I was wearing a tie and thus would have to engage my sandwich with the civility of someone better accustomed to a business casual lifestyle. In retrospect a Costanzian usage of the knife and fork may have classed it up a bit.

The Great White Lake feasts on a lowly salmon

Somebody's sandwich

"Wow, soft!"

"Good coleslaw," said Spira with an evil smirk on his face to a still coleslaw deprived Anderson. Rubenstein enjoyed his slaw employing the technique of dipping his house made chips into it. On a scale of Berghoff Chips to Perfect Chips these definitely registered on the Perfect end of the spectrum.

The general feeling amongst The LLC was that the sandwiches were great and whether you're a carnivorous marine predator or a guy on his lunch break wearing a tie you're going to enjoy you're brisket, pork, or tenderloin. Just as the meal was coming to a close our check was set down along with an encore performance (had to do it once, sorry) of 6 fresh chocolate chip cookies (right).

Encore Notes:

• Minimum Valet fee at The Allegro Hotel: $19 for under 2 hours
• One of the male staff members had a pony tail
• I didn't make any jokes aimed directly at Dan Ofman, and trust me I could have, because I knew he'd be embarrassed thoroughly in this video. He thought the boulder was unsafe for me to sit on. For a believer in mind over matter, I'm scoring this one 10-7 in favor of matter...

Ronny's Steakhouse

"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost." - J. R. R. Tolkien

It wasn't the fiery depths of mount doom but rather the crowded escalators of the Thompson Center that brought about the wandering of The Loop Lunch Fellowship this past Monday. Our efforts to locate Ronny's Steakhouse at 100 W Randolph for the 8th meeting of The LLC resulted in what will surely go down as the exception that proves the rule: Steve "Mr. Punctuality" Lake was the first and only member of The LLC to arrive on time.

I'm writing this from seat 26F, 37,000 feet above the sprawling farmland of the Great Plains en route to fabulous Tucson, Arizona. I hope to finish before we land, otherwise I'll never be able to post this entry. What happens in Tucson, stays in Tucson. With this window seat view above the clouds I'm afforded a new perspective on life and on lunch. Suddenly, the fact that my $7.95 steak special was upped to $14.00 by adding bacon, sour cream, and cheese to my baked potato no longer seems like an injustice worthy of being upset over. However, $6.00 worth of fixins had a predictably upsetting effect on my stomach.

This is actually a Domino's thin
crust corner piece

"If you finish that (potato)," said Dan Ofman, "you won't wake up tomorrow." Rob Anderson then piled on the challenge by observing, "there are more condiments than potato." I'm just glad nobody made me hold it up beside my head for a size comparison. This has happened before with embarrassing results (right).

Ronny's is a cafeteria style restaurant with a dark wood trim and chic olive green leather booths with backrests reaching 6 feet above ground. The elegance of these interior design elements is far overshadowed by the buckets of rib tips and endless placards advertising daily specials. Ronny's menu is a lot like kindergarten, everyone is special. The entire surface area of the non-dining space is wallpapered in signs for specials. It's like an overly informative driving range with distance markers every yard. Only here instead of golf balls you're driving country-fried steak, polish sausages, and severely overloaded baked potatoes down your throat and the signs help you gauge your distance not from a pin, but from oncoming heart attacks.

Just one of the clusters of specials signs at Ronny's

The man behind the counter, possibly Ronny himself based on his enthusiasm, was friendly though unable to turn off his sense of urgency. Despite accounting for 100% of the line The LLC was rushed through the ordering process. I'm certain I missed out on something special.

Some of the healthy options Ronny's offers

Before Dan Ofman began a thirty-minute sales pitch on a business plan to garner "instant millions" sometime in the distant future Rob "Steak Sauce" Anderson presented me with Ronny's own brand of steak sauce, which was liberally applied across the table. I wasn't very pleased with my steak. Of the 8 ounces that constituted it prior to cooking I'd estimate 1 oz. was cooked off, 1 oz. was bone, and 1 oz. was unchewable lard. "My cut of steak is too fatty to bite through," said Steak Sauce Anderson. Continuing with the negativity I'll point out my chef's side salad was drenched in ranch and only had 1 crouton. However, my potato was a real winner. Mounds of melted cheddar and bacon bits smothered in sour cream is a hard recipe to screw up. Come to think of it, I don't remember the potato even being present on the plate.

There's a potato in there somewhere, I'm almost certain of it

"There's too much gravy," said Dan Ofman of his Country Fried Steak (special). None of these shortcomings bothered Lake, a steakhouse of a man to begin with. "This is an early contender," said the satisfied rookie. "I can see us coming back here." I'll assume he meant "us" as in "Rubenstein and I."

As we finished eating it was brought to my attention that I had unknowlingly polished off my entire baked potato. I reacted to this news by stating, "Just thinking about sitting up straight right now is an exhaustive and straining activity."

Needless to say, it was a special experience.

Ronny's Notes

• Absence of Dan Spira and Danny Rubenstein due to crises.
• I wouldn't want to meet the person who gets to Ronny's before 11AM to take advantage of the "Breakfast Bonanza" special.
• Dan Ofman hit a three point shot in his most recent recreational men's league basketball game, proving he was one of the top five athletes in his graduating class.