B&B Restaurant and Lounge

Come to Homer's BBBQ. The Extra B is for BYOBB.
Bart: What's that extra B for?
Homer: That's a typo.

I got the feeling of being on set at McDowell's
from Coming to America

There were plenty of extra B's to go around this week when The LLC met for their penultimate lunch at B&B Restaurant at 127 S State.  Short for Beef and Brandy, B&B is a long-standing loop fixture, serving up diner style meals since 1967. For 44 years B&B has provided quality food and service to Chicago's downtown workforce, and in that 44 years they still haven't settled on an interior decorator nor hung a single picture on the walls. The diner's entrance was a halloween shrine that nearly spooked Dan Spira out the door, however, beyond the frightening false front the dining area was a drab, somber place with ceilings that would prove problematic for the taller members of The LLC.

The LLC, for the first time in fifteen weeks, had perfect attendance at B&B. We were all set to finally use our magical LLC rings to summon the secret powers of Captain Lunch but felt it would be inappropriate to do so in front of guests Sam Ruderman and Andrew Holzman. "I'm a former fat person," Ruderman appealed to the group in the hope of being respected as a food expert.  It seems he failed to recognize the correlation between girth and food expertise is a direct one, which is why you should always pick the largest contestant to win on Chopped.

The LLC, In order of height and job satisfaction-
From left, Nick Nikitas, Crisis Hartemayer, Rob Anderson,
Dan Spira, Dan Ofman, and Sam Ofman

What B&B lacked in ambiance it made up for in enthusiasm. Our waiter Dave was as animated as a Pixar film and equally delightful, providing service that kids and parents could enjoy again and again. Diet Cokes, a staple of an LLC meal, were served with lemon and lime wedges on each glass and Dave was quick to set down pitchers of cola and water for refills. Sandwiches were called "slammin" and each of us, "pal". The brightness of Dave's smile reflected off the barren walls like the winter sun bouncing off a meadow following the first December snow. Gratuity may been included on the check for 18%, but my personal gratitude includes 100% of my heart.

I took advantage of the all day breakfast and ordered the Gipsy Skillet. Where I come from we spell Gypsy with two Y's, but for accuracy's sake I'll stick with the menu spelling. Normally I regret skillets because they're usually far too greasy and I feel ill before I feel full.  This one didn't have a puddle of grease beneath the food and the balance between the eggs, potatoes and other fixings made each bite flavorful.  Most of The LLC opted for lunch, which I attribute to their having day jobs and thus eating breakfast well before 1 PM.

I wish I were eating it right now

"I love ketchup," said Crisis Chris Hartemayer. Poor cell phone reception played a key role in the lack of work related crises for Chris this week. "These are schizophrenic fries," he continued, "they're a weird hybrid of steak fries and McDonald's fries." Dedicated blog readers (I know you exist, we're almost at 1000 views) may recall Chris is a strong advocate of the McDonald's French fry.

I can almost smell that cool,
salty pacific breeze.

"I have low fry standards," said an agreeable Dan Spira who by this point had finally caught his breath after the initial horror he experienced when he saw the black and orange streamers by the front register.  The california style burger (left) was a popular order and several LLCers vouched for Dave's choice of the word "slammin" to describe the sandwich.  Only one small crisis detracted from Chris's experience with his lunch: a wayward bun bag twisty tie fastener had found its way to the back of his bottom bun. "I never would have found it if I didn't reorganize my fries," Chris said, further strengthening my growing sense that there is an unnatural relationship between Crisis Chris and French fries.

"I see a lot of clean plates today," observed Dan Ofman, pleased with his third diner selection. He would later tell me he planned on returning to Pittsfield Cafe in the near future, further strengthening my growing sense that there is an unnatural relationship between Dan "Big Baby" Ofman and all day breakfasts.

B&B Notes:

• Turns out I didn't use the word Gipsy again.
• The Downstairs bar and game room sounded more fun than it looked.
• No basket of bread was provided, but 2 varieties of hot sauce were.
• Slight credit crisis from Rob resulted in some flustered un-crumpling of the "Merchant's Copy".

Frontera Fresco

"Do you have anything besides Mexican food?" - Dusty Bottoms, The Three Amigos

Second week in a row we get a view from above!

Christmas came early for The LLC this week at Frontera Fresco at 111 S State.  Call me old fashioned, but the only October spirits I want to see are either the evil halloween kind or pumpkin spiced hard liquor, not the Christmas variety. But alas, a jolly and somewhat elfish looking Dan Spira selected a restaurant for The LLC's 14th meeting on the 7th floor of a Macy's department store, that, in keeping with true holiday values was already pedaling their crap alongside artificial pine trees beneath the din of 1930's big band holiday classics.

At the center of this pre-Christmas hyper-capitalist environment is chef Rick Bayliss's Mexican lunch spot Frontera Fresco, a somewhat quicker paced brand extension of the celebrity chef's popular Frontera Grill. At first glance I took the sleek modern curvature, famous name attachment, and lack of burritos on the menu as shallow attempts to class up another Baja Fresh/Chipotle knockoff in a Macy's foodcourt. But was I too quick to judge...

Waiting for the final LLC members to arrive the line at Frontera seemed to grow longer without any forward progress. It was a physical representation of my job search, in so much as both make little visible progress yet I know at the end of each I'll be able to eat.  Making his second guest appearance with The LLC was amateur chef and devout Food Network viewer Steve Lake, who arrived last and immediately spilled a salt shaker. Thus the crisis void left behind by an absent Chris Hartemayer was filled. After seeing a picture of the man Steve asked, "Is Rick Bayliss Mexican?"

Rick Bayliss, seen here preparing his secret ingredient, is obviously not Mexican

"I don't know his background," answered Nick Nikitas, whose portion of tacos looked to be as filling as the ten dollar bill he traded for them. "But he knows how to cook the food." While Nick may not be able to differentiate between a lotus root and a radish he sure can point out a tasty Mexican lunch when he sees one. And when he eats one.

There was a highly unsanitary couple
making out in this line at one point.

I ordered the grilled steak huarache, a Mexican flatbread dish with beans, mushrooms and steak liberally topped off with lettuce and a dusting of cheese. It was fantastic. The bread maintained its crispness and supported the savory blend above it while the lettuce offered a cool, refreshing balance to the each bite. Despite anticipating the huarache would be insufficient in quelling my appetite I found myself full and happy by meal's end.

Wow, this picture actually came out pretty good.
Does justice to the taste.

"This place is going to get high marks from me," said Dan Ofman, who planned on taking the afternoon off due to a 'can't put it down' crisis with a dragon tattoo. "I'm glad I know about it." Ofman, a man who probably wasn't the best overall athlete in his graduating class, was eager to return to the food court that he described as being, "so clean."  Across the table Dan Spira's order of tortilla soup was steaming and appeared delicious, though it required an extra ten minutes to prepare.

As the meal drew to a close Steve Lake, a life time hockey brute carrying about 150% of my body weight on his beastly frame, announced that he was "scared of (S)Am." As much as I'd like to believe he was referring to my intimidating physical presence and blade like, razor sharp martial arts skills it's more likely he feared my ability to zing him in this blog as part of my ongoing mean streak. After all, the blog is mightier.

Frontera Notes:

• Absence of Rob Anderson and Crisis Chris
• Chips per dollar ratio was weak
• My tray was impractically convex, making my walk to the table a hellish trek in which my lunch flashed before my eyes multiple times
• Beers were available at 'market price'. Are you kidding me? 

Kamehachi Cafe

"Am I eating chicken or tuna?" - Jessica Simpson

Well Jess, if you had been dining with The LLC at Kamehachi Cafe at 311 S Wacker you were probably eating a bit of both. The initial outing of The LLC's accelerated schedule was Rob Anderson's third and final selection.  The cafe is an express offshoot of the original Kamehachi, an Old Town landmark that, having been established in 1967, claims to be Chicago's first sushi bar.  Like the sushi it serves the cafe is tightly compacted and efficiently built, with space enough for only two tables and a small line to form.  The counter houses a small display case for prepackaged sushi, prompting Rob to inquire of The LLC's resident produce expert and amateur botanist Nick Nikitas, "What do you think that red thing that looks like a tomato is?"  After carefully considering the variable vegetable with a learned eye Nick ventured, "maybe a radish?"

"It's a lotus root," the cashier corrected.  This was the moment my esteem for Nick's vegetable expertise diminished beyond the point of noteworthiness. Within minutes we all received our orders and when I asked for a cup of water the man behind the counter produced two prearranged cups with straws, lids, and ice. Unfortunately when we requested two more his supply had been exhausted, but still a good effort.

More than ample lighting

Real trees grow outdoors

We agreed to take our collection of teriyaki rice bowls, miso soups, and sushi out of the cafe and into one of the building's many communal dining areas. If ever The LLC made a good decision, it was this one. Our destination was the central atrium, an amphitheater that was half Crystal Palace and half Laguna Beach, lined by palm trees and watched over by a statue of a man kneeling atop a fountain. Initially we believed this man to be smiling and bathing with the use of a large canvas bag, though by meals end we decided he was a wounded old man grimacing and showering himself with cheap wine, possibly enjoying a one-man game of 'slap the bag'.

Art is meant for interpretation, or in our case, misinterpretation

"These are some really cool fake trees," said an awestruck Dan Ofman before shaming the Ofman name by sincerely adding, "...or are they real?"

"No. They're fake," Rob said, quickly discrediting any further argument and familial embarrassment Dan may have offered up.

The rice bowls were delicious, well priced and appropriately portioned for a quick lunch. The only element that detracts from their overall quality is that the meat, be it chicken or beef, was cut in chunks that would benefit from a Kirstie Alley style size reduction. Using the plastic spoon provided I struggled to get a full flavored taste of the miso soup. It was only after a fellow LLCer advised me to try a Dan Ofman vacuum mouth technique to inhale it straight our of the bowl that I was able to experience its full flavored potency, if only for a moment.

I forgot to take pictures at the beginning so try to imagine this looking much more appetizing

In the end the LLC was thoroughly satisfied with the quality and flavor of Kamehachi's products. "I'm impressed with the overall taste," Said Nikitas, who shared two varieties of sushi rolls with Rob along with their rice bowls.

"I prefer sushi with rice on the outside as opposed to seaweed," Rob said, motioning towards the rolls with his chopstick, "for the texture."

"And for the texture, too," Nikitas added, showcasing a total lack of conversational prowess and listening skills that his future Milwaukee employer is most likely ignorant of.

Kamehachi Notes:

• Absence of Dan Spira and Crisis Chris
• Table space was a factor, as individually packaged meal components required a great amount of surface area
• I wore a suit
• No free ice cream

Jason's Deli

"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos." - Don Kardong

And on the 12th week, out of the darkness and chaos that was The LLC, Jason's Deli said, "Let there be ice cream!" The national chain's new loop location at 195 N Dearborn was my selection for this week's meeting, and I was quite pleased with the sandwich shop that's famous for offering free soft serve with every meal.

"Ice cream is exquisite - what a pity
it isn't illegal." - Voltaire

While the ice cream service was soft the staff's service was anything but, as at one time I was able to count 28 employees from my seated vantage point. The experience at Jason's is like dining in a post recession utopia where jobs and ice cream abound. Jason's benefits from a great location that is only a half block from every el line in the loop. It's like the pot of gold at the end of the CTA rainbow, only instead of gold the pot is filled with chocolate/vanilla swirl. Gold and ice cream being the only commodities remaining in the market that hold value make it a pretty even tradeoff.

My Deli Club was served with a fork.
What could I use it for?

For the single members of The LLC Jason's could have been a great place to meet young women, if not for the fact that not one of us so much as glanced at the salad bar a single time. However, I did overhear a woman sitting behind us comment about her panini and side salad, "This could be my new favorite place!" She then continued, "And look at that adorable young man, I bet he writes a fantastic blog."

After ordering we were given Table Trackers that allowed our staff to keep tabs on our location throughout the restaurant. These devices were new to me and I feared they contained the technology to steal my identity, or worse, subscribe me to Jason's email fan club.  thankfully the technophobes of The LLC were appeased by an incredibly simple explanation and we were able to eat lunch knowing both our inboxes and sandwiches would be free of spam.

General restaurant etiquette states that a fountain drink is bottomless and may be refilled by the costumer at any time. Jason's took it one step further as staff came by to individually put in the footwork on fountain drink refills. Beyond that they provide a sizable, solidly constructed glass for water instead of the inadequate Styrofoam alternative.

My Deli Club had two qualities that would bring me back to Jason's. For one, it tasted great. More importantly it was properly proportioned for a human mouth to take in. Too often one encounters a club sandwich that simply isn't fit for comfortable consumption.  Unlike many Americans today who would happily bite off more than they can chew (see below), I'd rather bite off slightly less than my maximum mouthful and avoid the aching post lunch mandible that comes with over extension.

Rob prepares to eat my weight in muffaletta

Across the table things became slightly muffled while I was enjoying my sensible bites. A complex joint muffaletta order between Rob Anderson and Dan Ofman was bungled miserably due to Dan's extreme distaste for olives. "I'll tell you the best part of a muffaletta," said Rob as Nick Nikitas shoveled stray bits of pastrami atop his potato chip in what must have been a delicious combination of savory and salty flavors. "It's the sesame seeds, I love sesame seeds."

Crisis Chris, however, believes the olive mix topping is the best part, explaining, "It's what makes it a muffaletta."

By the time The LLC had finished eating the line had extended from counter to door, creating a human barricade between us and our free ice cream. It turns out human barricades are friendly and accommodating and we passed through it easily and proceeded to each use a unique technique while operating the soft serve dispenser. Congregating outside, Dan Ofman, always eager to pose a hypothetical involving over/unders, expressed concern over how many "ice cream casualties" we would suffer on the walk back to work. "None," Rob answered quickly, "we are adults." Dan then drooled on his sweatshirt.

I'd like to conclude this week's entry by congratulating Nick Nikitas on accepting a new job that will soon take him to Milwaukee. With this unforeseen career change comes a scheduling crisis for The LLC that will result in an accelerated final four weeks. So hold on to your hats folks, and keep checking in for more Pulitzer worthy reviews!

Jason's Notes:

• Absence of Dan Spira, 10 minute crisis text from Chris
• Upon arrival Chris announced approval of the quality of paper stock used in the menus
• Rob's display of quickness and accuracy when winning the pickle trivia will never be equaled
• Have I mentioned the free ice cream?

Delmonico

"Men were keeling over all around me.  I can still hear the retching, screaming...I sent sixteen of my own men to the latrines that night." - Frank Costanza, Incheon, Korea 1950.

"Sadder than destitution, sadder than a beggar is the man who eats alone in public. Nothing more contradicts the laws of man or beast, for animals always do each other the honor of sharing or disputing each other's food." - Jean Baurdrillard

For the Robert Frost fans...

Two roads diverged at a busy intersection,

And unsure if I should travel both,

Delmonico. In all its glory.

And be one lunch clubber long I stood,

And looked down one as far as I could,

To where the el bent in the construction zone.

Then took the other, east down Lake,

After trusting in my iPhone's claim,

For in the rain with no proper wear,

Though underneath the train tracks there,

I rushed across the biking lane.

And on that morning equally lay,

The leaves were wet and trodden black,

Oh, I kept the bibimbap for another day,

knowing how buffet leads on to buffet, 

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a side,

Of soup laid out for ages hence;

Two roads diverged in the loop, and I-

I took the one towards Delmonico,

And that has made all the difference.

The Delmonico Illinois Center at 233 N Michigan Ave played host to the 11th meeting of The LLC this past Tuesday. Two days later I patronized the oddly named Korean buffet and simultaneously contradicted the laws of man and beast while following the strict directives of Crisis Chris Hartemayer.  On Tuesday Chris maintained an authoritative dictatorship over the group, demonstrating the leadership qualities of a man influenced equally by Korean government and cuisine. A man who knows how to lead in times of crisis.

By withholding all information concerning this week's lunch Chris kept The LLC guessing until the minute he led the group through the labyrinth of hallways leading to Delmonico.  Upon arrival he demanded not only that everybody order a bibimbap stone pot meal but also directed the group in how to properly eat it.  Even my AWOL status couldn't stop him from extending his grasp over my eating technique, leaving me no choice but to save half of my soup to pour over the stuck on remains of rice.

The element of mystery Chris cultivated around this LLC meeting didn't end with the secret location or restaurant name. In fact, it continued throughout the meal and will likely never conclude for even after finding the place and eating there I have no idea how to find it nor what I had eaten.  The contents of a bibimbap were listed as: Steamed rice, sauteed vegetables, a fried egg, and choice of meat or chicken. I hardly recall any of those flavors. Half way through my hot mess of food I elected to add the red paste that was served alongside it.  From that point on it tasted heavily of red paste.

Two weeks in a row I've featured a picture of soup with an out of place egg. There was a hair in the yolk.

My experience at Delmonico, though lonesome, was actually quite relaxing. I, the weary traveler, came in out of the rain and was welcomed with two bowls of steaming, somewhat identifiable food.  Although I can't describe the flavor in much detail I can say that I enjoyed it and didn't feel overly heavy on the equally confusing walk back to the train.  Despite an alarming number of "Not responsible for lost or stolen articles" signs I still felt safe dining alone in the cafeteria setting and found the staff to be friendly and helpful.  The buffet seemed like a valid option as far as buffets go, and in the event that fate ever returns me to Delmonico (for my spatial memory would be unable to) I would be inclined to try it. Afterall, you know the expression, "if you've had one bibimbap you've had 'em all."

Had I attended the meeting with the other members of The LLC I imagine Dan Spira would have had this to say: "It's good...but I wish there were more meat."

Delmonico Notes:

• Walking through the rain I was made aware of the difference between 'water resistant' and 'water proof' as my jacket's resistance to water was as futile as the Miami Dolphins' resistance to being terrible.
• Two plaid clad hipsters were there discussing how ironic it was for them to be there.

Monk's Pub

"I can think. I can wait. I can fast." - Siddhartha

After consuming a massive cheeseburger at Monk's Pub at 205 W Lake I think I can easily wait until sundown tomorrow before breaking my fast.  Monk's was Nick Nikitas's choice as the tenth meeting spot for The LLC. Not unlike Nick's previous pick, Perry's Deli, Monk's offered exorbitant portions and grandiose self-proclamations, claiming their burgers were the "Best of Chicago." But would The LLC judge them to be worthy of such a title?

Following some brief confusion concerning unnecessary reservations that in all likelihood were never made and most certainly were not held the knights of The LLC took their seats at a round table.  The wall opposite us held a large bookshelf stocked with vintage books that at first were believed to be props but to the surprise of Chris Hartemayer were indeed quite real.  We sat in the glow of specially designed Schlitz lighting fixtures that illuminated the dusty barrels and halloween decorations that surrounded the rafters.  Halloween, though normally not a holiday I associate with the religion and piety of monks, was in full swing at the pub as small ghosts were hung throughout the establishment, haunting cunstomers with their cold, wicked, lifeless eyes.

The Monastery

Monk's Pub was designed to resemble an actual monastery where the owner spent a blissful childhood summer. The overall effect is more Medieval Times than Westminster Abbey. There was a major disconnect somewhere between the backdrop of asceticism, the spiritual practice of self-denial and foregoing materialistic goals, set against the music of Ke$ha, a sex symbol pop star who can't even endorse her million dollar checks without using a profit-centric signature.

Normally when one orders a Diet Coke at a restaurant that serves Pepsi the waitress will say, "Is Pepsi ok?" and the customer will say, "Of Course!" Diet Coke drinkers at our table received no such disclaimer while ordering and were shocked to discover they had been served Diet RC Cola.  Sure, they got free refills...but who wants a refill of Diet RC Cola? Needless to say the service at Monk's left much to be desired, first and foremost silverware.  It was Crisis Chris himself who solved the no forks crisis by resourcefully using his straw to stab a boneless buffalo wing (Dedicated readers will recognize that I could have aptly referred to these wings as "buffalo tenders").

I can't believe he ate the whole thing.

Although we all tried a "Best of Chicago" burger, we managed to order a variety of styles. Chris ordered the Cajun Burger, stating, "I want a little spice in my meal." Also on our table was Dan Spira's California Burger with a side of curly fries that he was "pretty happy with." Dan Ofman's unprecendented decision to try the split pea soup may have been the second bravest act I've ever seen him perform. Followed by the bravest, eating it.

Chris Hartemayer expressed apparent disappointment in the quality of his french fries by comparing them to those of McDonald's. Later, after lamenting the lack of spice in his meal he clarified, "The fries are good...I like McDonald's fries."

When asked if he believed his burger was the best in Chicago Dan Spira briefly stopped emailing to respond pointedly, "Probably not." He's right, they probably aren't the best in the city but they are good enough to be in the discussion. However, as evidenced by the photo below, I'm not sure if Dan Spira had ever eaten a hamburger before in his life.

Most people prefer to start at one side and work their way to the other

Monk's Notes:

• Rob Anderson should heed the warning of Comic Book Guy: "Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix" when he visits Monk's alone after missing this outing.
• CNN instead of ESPN. Best headline: "Florida to create jobs by lifting ban on dwarf tossing"
• Yet another financial crisis for Chris. This one not solved by straw poking.

The Marquette Inn

"Quality in a service or product is not what you put into it. It is what the client or customer gets out of it." - Peter Drucker

Using Drucker's criteria one could say The Marquette Inn at 60 W Adams is truly a high quality loop lunch option. Using a criteria based on nutritional value and taste...not so much. The ninth LLC selection, chosen by Dan "Big Baby" Ofman, was a welcoming and friendly hybrid of a Greek diner and an American sports bar. The  decor seamlessly transitioned from the bright lights of neon beer signs to the sepia toned art deco paintings of 1930s Chicago public transportation vehicles. When I woke up that morning I had never been to a restaurant that displayed boxes of cheerios on one wall and bottles of Beefeater gin on the other. I have now. Nothing says convenience like being able to combine your nightcap with your morning meal. At The Marquette Inn you can wash down your Rueben with Russian dressing on white with a white Russian and my Uncle Rueben.

I'd like to order the Johnnie Walker Blue plate special

Dan Ofman and I arrived early and were greeted by two hosts.  I would be shocked if these men didn't do seasonal work as a Greek mall Santa and elf duo at some sort of present day agora.  After originally being told to stand and wait the 30 minutes until the rest of The LLC arrived the agreed to let us sit at the bar.  The specials were "slippery nipple shots" and "apple mantinis". We sipped our morning coffee while our neighbors downed their morning Miller Lite. The counter top was littered with fliers advertising that night's Fall Bash featuring "drinks, drinks, and more drinks" as well as the Greco-Techno beats of DJ Lena. Our bartender/waitress assured us it would be a good time and I'm more than comfortable taking her word for it. The Elf told us our table was ready.  It was at this point that things got serious.

Before settling at the table we had already been served complimentary plates of gyro meat and tzatziki. "They are all my cousins!" Our jovial European suit donning Santa beamed at our waitress before turning back towards the smiling faces of The LLC, "Belly dancers are on the way!" He then disappeared up the chimney leaving behind a smiling Dan Spira who, through his tears and wide-eyed boyish laughter managed to affectionately yell after him, "#1 in customer service!"

While placing our orders the waitress revealed another bombshell...Free Soup! And three different choices! A Greek Santa Rosh Hashanah miracle! Between the gyro meat, soup, and actual meals we had a lot of food on our hands.  Unfortunately quantity doesn't equate quality. "There's nothing outstanding," said Rob Anderson, sporting a stylish new haircut, "but there is a lot of it."

"The roast beef isn't as good as Pittsfield's," echoed Nick Nikitas, "It's ok, but it's messy."

It didn't surprise me at all that The Marquette Inn was picked by Dan Ofman, who had cleared his plate for the ninth consecutive week.  Try convincing this baby that quality is more important than quantity...

Attention single ladies of Chicago! Looking for a man to help produce offspring like this? Look no further!

Overall we enjoyed a great experience and a mediocre meal at The Marquette Inn. Remember folks, the best team doesn't always win the game.  With all the magic of Santa, the high holidays and beer on tap this fairytale diner might just make a Cinderella run come bracket time.

Marquette Notes:

• Despite reporting availability for Friday there was an unexplained absence of Crisis Chris Hartemayer.
• Upon exiting there was a general agreement as to the eventual ranking The Marquette Inn would receive on Dan's rating scale under the category: How do I feel afterwards.