Chef Petro's Restaurant

"Punctuality is the virtue of the bored." - Evelyn Waugh

While new Loop Lunch Club member Steve "Late" Lake missed his first day as an official LLCer with his nose buried in an old copy of "Brideshead Revisited," those of us blessed with the virtue of punctuality sat down at Chef Petro's Restaurant at 160 N La Salle for the LLC2's second week. In fact, I was so bored that morning that I arrived early, allowing me to build a rapport with the host, a dead ringer for the dad on Everybody Loves Raymond. Despite his curmudgeonly appearance we had a nice chat about his son the attorney who lived at Bromley Hall. Just like I did! Other than the host's family history I was also able to take in the atmosphere at Petro's, yet another Greek diner chosen by Dan Ofman.

I didn't stop walking to take this picture
but i think you can still tell it's a diner.

The register at the front desk was old enough to be my father, or at least a register my father might have operated a long time ago. Along the walls were brightly painted murals of Chicago's landmark tourist locations and skylines; these also appeared to be unchanged for several decades. The same can be said for the television sets, waitresses, furniture, and customer base. Undoubtedly our group lowered the average age of Petro's inhabitants by approximately (I just pulled out a calculator to produce this number) 4.7 years.

Dan Ofman, Rob Anderson and myself were seated ahead of the remaining LLC members. The host asked for their names to better assist them in finding us. We told him, "Dan and Steve." Later, Dan Spira arrived and reported that the host inquired if he was "Bob or Steven." Spira said no. The host then instructed he "just go to the back."

Petro's is also a 'fresh bakery'. Unless they sold out early it looks like the bake half cantaloupes and plates.

"Look at that neon sign," Anderson said, pointing through the window to a martini glass across the street. "It fills up and then gets drunk!" It then occurred to me that Rob may have been raised in the woods and never seen something like this before, but that seemed unlikely. Just as impressive as the martini sign was the Cadillac Palace Theater, lighting up Randolph Street with its 'South Pacific' Charm. Anderson, while blown away with the exterior view was equally wowed by what he saw inside. "This is a nice interior," he said.

I'll have the W-2 with extra income
and a dependent of hash browns.

Maybe it's just that time of year but looking at Petro's menu I felt a sudden urge to start working on my taxes. This could be attributed to the tight layout and black print, but more likely it was due the pricing. "$10 for an omelet?" I thought to myself in the voice of Judd Hirsch's character from Independence Day. "Oy gevalt. For what do I need with a $10 omelet?"

Though the prices and meals weren't entirely kosher the portions certainly were. Our low talking waitress brought the food to the table and within seconds The LLC erupted with a full spectrum of reactions. "This is a big plate of food!" Ofman said of his ham, cheese, and broccoli omelet. "Holy cow!" He went on. "That's a lot of broccoli!" Across the table a slouching Dan Spira prodded his Greek chicken and rice beneath an unexpected, heavy brown sauce with the unusually ornate cutlery of Petro's, mumbling, "This is...interesting."

Ofman went green. Spira went Greek. Guess which one is never going back.

My omelet, seen here with salt and pepper shakers that, much like newspaper, turn yellow when left our for 30 years.

In the end, my cheeseless omelet disappointed, Spira was unhappy and there was not a lot of positivity around the table. I don't see Petro's making a miracle Marquette run come tournament time.

Petro's Notes:

• Absence of Danny Rubenstein, who was sacked by Jason Pierre-Paul en route from San Francisco.
• Absence of "Situation" Steve Lake, who requested I not mock him in the blog for all the obvious reasons he should be mocked in this blog.
• No ice in the water. Normally a problem, but seeing as it's been three months since I was meant to schedule a follow up dental appointment my maxillary central incisor could use the break.