Jason's Deli

"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos." - Don Kardong

And on the 12th week, out of the darkness and chaos that was The LLC, Jason's Deli said, "Let there be ice cream!" The national chain's new loop location at 195 N Dearborn was my selection for this week's meeting, and I was quite pleased with the sandwich shop that's famous for offering free soft serve with every meal.

"Ice cream is exquisite - what a pity
it isn't illegal." - Voltaire

While the ice cream service was soft the staff's service was anything but, as at one time I was able to count 28 employees from my seated vantage point. The experience at Jason's is like dining in a post recession utopia where jobs and ice cream abound. Jason's benefits from a great location that is only a half block from every el line in the loop. It's like the pot of gold at the end of the CTA rainbow, only instead of gold the pot is filled with chocolate/vanilla swirl. Gold and ice cream being the only commodities remaining in the market that hold value make it a pretty even tradeoff.

My Deli Club was served with a fork.
What could I use it for?

For the single members of The LLC Jason's could have been a great place to meet young women, if not for the fact that not one of us so much as glanced at the salad bar a single time. However, I did overhear a woman sitting behind us comment about her panini and side salad, "This could be my new favorite place!" She then continued, "And look at that adorable young man, I bet he writes a fantastic blog."

After ordering we were given Table Trackers that allowed our staff to keep tabs on our location throughout the restaurant. These devices were new to me and I feared they contained the technology to steal my identity, or worse, subscribe me to Jason's email fan club.  thankfully the technophobes of The LLC were appeased by an incredibly simple explanation and we were able to eat lunch knowing both our inboxes and sandwiches would be free of spam.

General restaurant etiquette states that a fountain drink is bottomless and may be refilled by the costumer at any time. Jason's took it one step further as staff came by to individually put in the footwork on fountain drink refills. Beyond that they provide a sizable, solidly constructed glass for water instead of the inadequate Styrofoam alternative.

My Deli Club had two qualities that would bring me back to Jason's. For one, it tasted great. More importantly it was properly proportioned for a human mouth to take in. Too often one encounters a club sandwich that simply isn't fit for comfortable consumption.  Unlike many Americans today who would happily bite off more than they can chew (see below), I'd rather bite off slightly less than my maximum mouthful and avoid the aching post lunch mandible that comes with over extension.

Rob prepares to eat my weight in muffaletta

Across the table things became slightly muffled while I was enjoying my sensible bites. A complex joint muffaletta order between Rob Anderson and Dan Ofman was bungled miserably due to Dan's extreme distaste for olives. "I'll tell you the best part of a muffaletta," said Rob as Nick Nikitas shoveled stray bits of pastrami atop his potato chip in what must have been a delicious combination of savory and salty flavors. "It's the sesame seeds, I love sesame seeds."

Crisis Chris, however, believes the olive mix topping is the best part, explaining, "It's what makes it a muffaletta."

By the time The LLC had finished eating the line had extended from counter to door, creating a human barricade between us and our free ice cream. It turns out human barricades are friendly and accommodating and we passed through it easily and proceeded to each use a unique technique while operating the soft serve dispenser. Congregating outside, Dan Ofman, always eager to pose a hypothetical involving over/unders, expressed concern over how many "ice cream casualties" we would suffer on the walk back to work. "None," Rob answered quickly, "we are adults." Dan then drooled on his sweatshirt.

I'd like to conclude this week's entry by congratulating Nick Nikitas on accepting a new job that will soon take him to Milwaukee. With this unforeseen career change comes a scheduling crisis for The LLC that will result in an accelerated final four weeks. So hold on to your hats folks, and keep checking in for more Pulitzer worthy reviews!

Jason's Notes:

• Absence of Dan Spira, 10 minute crisis text from Chris
• Upon arrival Chris announced approval of the quality of paper stock used in the menus
• Rob's display of quickness and accuracy when winning the pickle trivia will never be equaled
• Have I mentioned the free ice cream?

Delmonico

"Men were keeling over all around me.  I can still hear the retching, screaming...I sent sixteen of my own men to the latrines that night." - Frank Costanza, Incheon, Korea 1950.

"Sadder than destitution, sadder than a beggar is the man who eats alone in public. Nothing more contradicts the laws of man or beast, for animals always do each other the honor of sharing or disputing each other's food." - Jean Baurdrillard

For the Robert Frost fans...

Two roads diverged at a busy intersection,

And unsure if I should travel both,

Delmonico. In all its glory.

And be one lunch clubber long I stood,

And looked down one as far as I could,

To where the el bent in the construction zone.

Then took the other, east down Lake,

After trusting in my iPhone's claim,

For in the rain with no proper wear,

Though underneath the train tracks there,

I rushed across the biking lane.

And on that morning equally lay,

The leaves were wet and trodden black,

Oh, I kept the bibimbap for another day,

knowing how buffet leads on to buffet, 

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a side,

Of soup laid out for ages hence;

Two roads diverged in the loop, and I-

I took the one towards Delmonico,

And that has made all the difference.

The Delmonico Illinois Center at 233 N Michigan Ave played host to the 11th meeting of The LLC this past Tuesday. Two days later I patronized the oddly named Korean buffet and simultaneously contradicted the laws of man and beast while following the strict directives of Crisis Chris Hartemayer.  On Tuesday Chris maintained an authoritative dictatorship over the group, demonstrating the leadership qualities of a man influenced equally by Korean government and cuisine. A man who knows how to lead in times of crisis.

By withholding all information concerning this week's lunch Chris kept The LLC guessing until the minute he led the group through the labyrinth of hallways leading to Delmonico.  Upon arrival he demanded not only that everybody order a bibimbap stone pot meal but also directed the group in how to properly eat it.  Even my AWOL status couldn't stop him from extending his grasp over my eating technique, leaving me no choice but to save half of my soup to pour over the stuck on remains of rice.

The element of mystery Chris cultivated around this LLC meeting didn't end with the secret location or restaurant name. In fact, it continued throughout the meal and will likely never conclude for even after finding the place and eating there I have no idea how to find it nor what I had eaten.  The contents of a bibimbap were listed as: Steamed rice, sauteed vegetables, a fried egg, and choice of meat or chicken. I hardly recall any of those flavors. Half way through my hot mess of food I elected to add the red paste that was served alongside it.  From that point on it tasted heavily of red paste.

Two weeks in a row I've featured a picture of soup with an out of place egg. There was a hair in the yolk.

My experience at Delmonico, though lonesome, was actually quite relaxing. I, the weary traveler, came in out of the rain and was welcomed with two bowls of steaming, somewhat identifiable food.  Although I can't describe the flavor in much detail I can say that I enjoyed it and didn't feel overly heavy on the equally confusing walk back to the train.  Despite an alarming number of "Not responsible for lost or stolen articles" signs I still felt safe dining alone in the cafeteria setting and found the staff to be friendly and helpful.  The buffet seemed like a valid option as far as buffets go, and in the event that fate ever returns me to Delmonico (for my spatial memory would be unable to) I would be inclined to try it. Afterall, you know the expression, "if you've had one bibimbap you've had 'em all."

Had I attended the meeting with the other members of The LLC I imagine Dan Spira would have had this to say: "It's good...but I wish there were more meat."

Delmonico Notes:

• Walking through the rain I was made aware of the difference between 'water resistant' and 'water proof' as my jacket's resistance to water was as futile as the Miami Dolphins' resistance to being terrible.
• Two plaid clad hipsters were there discussing how ironic it was for them to be there.

Monk's Pub

"I can think. I can wait. I can fast." - Siddhartha

After consuming a massive cheeseburger at Monk's Pub at 205 W Lake I think I can easily wait until sundown tomorrow before breaking my fast.  Monk's was Nick Nikitas's choice as the tenth meeting spot for The LLC. Not unlike Nick's previous pick, Perry's Deli, Monk's offered exorbitant portions and grandiose self-proclamations, claiming their burgers were the "Best of Chicago." But would The LLC judge them to be worthy of such a title?

Following some brief confusion concerning unnecessary reservations that in all likelihood were never made and most certainly were not held the knights of The LLC took their seats at a round table.  The wall opposite us held a large bookshelf stocked with vintage books that at first were believed to be props but to the surprise of Chris Hartemayer were indeed quite real.  We sat in the glow of specially designed Schlitz lighting fixtures that illuminated the dusty barrels and halloween decorations that surrounded the rafters.  Halloween, though normally not a holiday I associate with the religion and piety of monks, was in full swing at the pub as small ghosts were hung throughout the establishment, haunting cunstomers with their cold, wicked, lifeless eyes.

The Monastery

Monk's Pub was designed to resemble an actual monastery where the owner spent a blissful childhood summer. The overall effect is more Medieval Times than Westminster Abbey. There was a major disconnect somewhere between the backdrop of asceticism, the spiritual practice of self-denial and foregoing materialistic goals, set against the music of Ke$ha, a sex symbol pop star who can't even endorse her million dollar checks without using a profit-centric signature.

Normally when one orders a Diet Coke at a restaurant that serves Pepsi the waitress will say, "Is Pepsi ok?" and the customer will say, "Of Course!" Diet Coke drinkers at our table received no such disclaimer while ordering and were shocked to discover they had been served Diet RC Cola.  Sure, they got free refills...but who wants a refill of Diet RC Cola? Needless to say the service at Monk's left much to be desired, first and foremost silverware.  It was Crisis Chris himself who solved the no forks crisis by resourcefully using his straw to stab a boneless buffalo wing (Dedicated readers will recognize that I could have aptly referred to these wings as "buffalo tenders").

I can't believe he ate the whole thing.

Although we all tried a "Best of Chicago" burger, we managed to order a variety of styles. Chris ordered the Cajun Burger, stating, "I want a little spice in my meal." Also on our table was Dan Spira's California Burger with a side of curly fries that he was "pretty happy with." Dan Ofman's unprecendented decision to try the split pea soup may have been the second bravest act I've ever seen him perform. Followed by the bravest, eating it.

Chris Hartemayer expressed apparent disappointment in the quality of his french fries by comparing them to those of McDonald's. Later, after lamenting the lack of spice in his meal he clarified, "The fries are good...I like McDonald's fries."

When asked if he believed his burger was the best in Chicago Dan Spira briefly stopped emailing to respond pointedly, "Probably not." He's right, they probably aren't the best in the city but they are good enough to be in the discussion. However, as evidenced by the photo below, I'm not sure if Dan Spira had ever eaten a hamburger before in his life.

Most people prefer to start at one side and work their way to the other

Monk's Notes:

• Rob Anderson should heed the warning of Comic Book Guy: "Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix" when he visits Monk's alone after missing this outing.
• CNN instead of ESPN. Best headline: "Florida to create jobs by lifting ban on dwarf tossing"
• Yet another financial crisis for Chris. This one not solved by straw poking.

The Marquette Inn

"Quality in a service or product is not what you put into it. It is what the client or customer gets out of it." - Peter Drucker

Using Drucker's criteria one could say The Marquette Inn at 60 W Adams is truly a high quality loop lunch option. Using a criteria based on nutritional value and taste...not so much. The ninth LLC selection, chosen by Dan "Big Baby" Ofman, was a welcoming and friendly hybrid of a Greek diner and an American sports bar. The  decor seamlessly transitioned from the bright lights of neon beer signs to the sepia toned art deco paintings of 1930s Chicago public transportation vehicles. When I woke up that morning I had never been to a restaurant that displayed boxes of cheerios on one wall and bottles of Beefeater gin on the other. I have now. Nothing says convenience like being able to combine your nightcap with your morning meal. At The Marquette Inn you can wash down your Rueben with Russian dressing on white with a white Russian and my Uncle Rueben.

I'd like to order the Johnnie Walker Blue plate special

Dan Ofman and I arrived early and were greeted by two hosts.  I would be shocked if these men didn't do seasonal work as a Greek mall Santa and elf duo at some sort of present day agora.  After originally being told to stand and wait the 30 minutes until the rest of The LLC arrived the agreed to let us sit at the bar.  The specials were "slippery nipple shots" and "apple mantinis". We sipped our morning coffee while our neighbors downed their morning Miller Lite. The counter top was littered with fliers advertising that night's Fall Bash featuring "drinks, drinks, and more drinks" as well as the Greco-Techno beats of DJ Lena. Our bartender/waitress assured us it would be a good time and I'm more than comfortable taking her word for it. The Elf told us our table was ready.  It was at this point that things got serious.

Before settling at the table we had already been served complimentary plates of gyro meat and tzatziki. "They are all my cousins!" Our jovial European suit donning Santa beamed at our waitress before turning back towards the smiling faces of The LLC, "Belly dancers are on the way!" He then disappeared up the chimney leaving behind a smiling Dan Spira who, through his tears and wide-eyed boyish laughter managed to affectionately yell after him, "#1 in customer service!"

While placing our orders the waitress revealed another bombshell...Free Soup! And three different choices! A Greek Santa Rosh Hashanah miracle! Between the gyro meat, soup, and actual meals we had a lot of food on our hands.  Unfortunately quantity doesn't equate quality. "There's nothing outstanding," said Rob Anderson, sporting a stylish new haircut, "but there is a lot of it."

"The roast beef isn't as good as Pittsfield's," echoed Nick Nikitas, "It's ok, but it's messy."

It didn't surprise me at all that The Marquette Inn was picked by Dan Ofman, who had cleared his plate for the ninth consecutive week.  Try convincing this baby that quality is more important than quantity...

Attention single ladies of Chicago! Looking for a man to help produce offspring like this? Look no further!

Overall we enjoyed a great experience and a mediocre meal at The Marquette Inn. Remember folks, the best team doesn't always win the game.  With all the magic of Santa, the high holidays and beer on tap this fairytale diner might just make a Cinderella run come bracket time.

Marquette Notes:

• Despite reporting availability for Friday there was an unexplained absence of Crisis Chris Hartemayer.
• Upon exiting there was a general agreement as to the eventual ranking The Marquette Inn would receive on Dan's rating scale under the category: How do I feel afterwards.

Pastoral

"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." - G.K. Chesterton

Perhaps the poets simply lacked a muse as inspiring as the arrangement of cheeses offered by Pastoral at 53 W Lake. Dan Spira's selection for The LLC's eight meeting, the quaint artisan cheese and bread shop, was a welcome change of pace for the group.  "This does have a European flair to it," said Nick Nikitas, aptly describing the single table store lined by bottles of wine, fresh baked bread and organic preserves. If not for the juxtaposition of the all 80's pop soundtrack one could easily have mistaken Pastoral for Positano. I arrived half way through "Take on me" and left with "Love is a battlefield" stuck in my head.

They had olives to sample, but not any of these cheeses.

If you're looking for a sandwich atmosphere for an NFL Sunday I recommend Perry's Deli. If you're looking for a sandwich atmosphere for some Frasier reruns I recommend Pastoral.  That being said, Pastoral does offer free beer and wine tasting events that both John Madden and Kelsey Grammer could enjoy.  Being only partially employed and less than a year removed from college I came dangerously close to ordering a morning beer, but having just brushed my teeth it seemed especially unappetizing.

The menu at Pastoral is almost as difficult to decipher as the check from The LLC's earlier trip to The Pittsfield Cafe. Most sandwich options had a minimum of one word that I will simply never know the meaning of but will always assume could be replaced by 'cheese'. I chose not to go for the add-ons, not because I don't like them, but mainly because I wasn't sure if "quince and apple fig black tea spread" goes well with a BLT. They also offer whole grain mustard. I wonder how that works.

At the risk of sounding like a sandwich art elitist I simply can no longer think of the work produced by Subway employees as art.  A Subway sandwich is like a caricature when compared to the well crafted edible art form that is the Pastoral Bacon Lettuce Tomato Avocado.  With each bite more bits of bacon would fall and collect in a salted and cured pile of prosciutto. It was nice having those to look forward to. I made the wise decision to "pastoralize" my lunch. It turns out that meant I added drinks, chips and a cookie. It didn't mean the sandwich was blessed by an ordained Christian leader.  The rest of The LLC didn't seem quite as taken with their lunch experience.

I thought the bread was the best part.

"Everything tastes different," said Dan Ofman as he grimmaced at his San Pellegrino, "it's like it's...of better quality."  It's important to remember that Dan has a caricature in his bedroom of his adolescent self knocking a dinger out of Comiskey Park and is a regular Subway consumer. He's also a Nicholas Cage fan. Some people don't understand art.

A guest of The LLC and hopeful 'Chopped' contestant, Steve Lake, had this to offer: "The bread is too hard, it hurts my fragile mouth."

Echoing this sentiment was another guest, Nick's fiance Liza Wadlington, who thought her sandwich was "awkward to eat." Perhaps this is because she never took hers out of it's original casing.  I welcome the challenge of hard bread and appreciate the animalistic ripping of my food to shreds with my teeth.

The post meal silence was broken by none other than Dan Spira, who declared his selection a success.  "Very tasty," he exclaimed, with both an inflated stomach and sense of self worth, "good choice by me."

Yes, Dan. Good choice.

Pastoral Notes:

• There was an expected absence of Rob Anderson and a last minute cancellation from Crisis Chris.
• Dan Ofman was worried his chair would collapse beneath him.
• I'd like to print a retraction for last week's post. I've been told Kirstie Alley has once again dropped some weight. Sorry Kirstie.

Luke's

"The tradition of Italian cooking is that of the matriarch." - Mario Batali

A look at Luke's

It's hard to argue with the man who owns Iron Chef's highest winning percentage (79.2%), but how could any female, Italian or otherwise, be the creator of the Italian beef sandwich? This sandwich epitomizes masculine cuisine, maximizing protein and simplicity while literally dripping with testosterone.  Batali would most likely respond by telling me I'm an idiot and that the Italian beef sandwich originated in 1930's Chicago.  The LLC is also a Chicago institution, which explains why Rob decided on Luke's at 215 W Jackson as the spot for our 7th meeting.

The Hawk, taking me under his wing

I arrived about fifteen minutes late to this week's meeting on account of a run in with the legendary voice of the White Sox and inventor of the batting glove Ken "The Hawk" Harrelson.  After hearing the Hawk's sweet, reassuring voice regale me with stories of baseball's golden age I found myself surrounded by it in the 1950's soda shop decor of Luke's.  The interior designer for Luke's most likely moonlights as the director of marketing for Coca-cola as the walls are covered in vintage signs and logos appear on every stool. Between all that and the red and white picnic tablecloths it felt like dining inside a gigantic peppermint.  Giant things aren't hard to come by at Luke's.  In any direction diners can marvel at the enormous novelty condiments hanging from the ceiling, most likely taken from Kirstie Alley's fridge. (A cheap shot, I know.  She was #1 in searching "fat celebrities" on google. Personally I think she's still got it.)

Well...her hair looks nice

Like most places with a Vienna Beef sign in the window Luke's was in violation of its maximum occupancy of 63.  It's understandable; they offer a good quality meal and a very reasonable price.  The menu includes everything from pastas to salads to burgers and desserts.  Rob and Dan Ofman put both their heads and stomachs together and decided to split a calzone, beef sandwich, and sausage. While none were overly impressive they deemed them all adequate.  The calzone, however, "didn't taste fresh" according to Dan.  He did go on to assure me that if more of it were available he would eagerly continue shoveling into his face like the Italian bambino he is at heart.

Spira had a beef with his Italian beef

Spira and I opted for the Italian beef.  I liked mine, but not enough to Facebook like it.  The bread left much to be desired but for the price and quickness it's a good deal. Spira didn't think quite as highly of it.  "It's decisively not as good as Portillo's," he said over the two unused ketchup containers he filled for no apparent reason. Honestly, I don't think Spira should be considered an authority on Italian beef considering how he neglected to order peppers, giardiniera, or any other topping on his sandwich. My belief is that had he grown up on Luke's, he'd find it "decisively" better than Portillo's.  I know I'm being hard on Spira, but it's just an effort to take his mind off the impossibly pressure packed pick he has to make for next week's meeting. Good luck buddy! Better not let us down...

Luke's Notes:

• I'd rather have McDonald's fries, which are worse than Berghoff chips, than Luke's fries.
• Absence of Nick Nikitas and Crisis Chris seriously detracted from the experience/average height of the group.
• The most memorable discussion topic revolved around what qualifies a chicken dish as being "tenders." Consensus: Boneless 

Saigon Sisters

"In food, as in death, we feel the essential brotherhood of man"- Vietnamese Proverb

Food, not death, brought the brotherhood of The Loop Lunch Club together this week for our sixth meeting at Saigon Sisters' 567 W Lake location. Members of the Loop Lunch Platoon had to march, crawl, and cab their way through the urban jungle, braving 90 degree temperatures to protect their right to a midday meal.  Rob Anderson and Dan Spira arrived first with their cell phones, wallets, and appetites. These were The Things They Carried.  We were set to ship out at noon, but Nick Nikitas was missing in action and Chris Hartemayer had been captured as a prisoner of crisis. Sure, we had all heard horror stories of life in Vietnamese restaurants, but it wasn't until I enlisted The LLC for Saigon Sisters that the myths became our reality.

I made this week's selection based on a friend's recommendation. I had never been to Saigon Sisters but I envisioned it as a rundown Vietnamese tent with full chickens hanging on hooks and various species of Southeast Asian rodents scurrying about. I prepared myself for Apocalypse Now or the endless monsoon of Forrest Gump. Instead I found a clean, modern downtown restaurant as innocent as Operation Dumbo Drop and as high spirited as Good Morning, Vietnam.  With air conditioning, hot and cold running water, and what Spira described as a "surprisingly clean" restroom Saigon Sisters had all the amenities one would expect to find at the Hanoi Hilton.

The house specialty is banh mi, a French influenced Vietnamese sub sandwich. The floor to ceiling chalkboard menu, which was limited in selection but physically enormous, also offered salads, soups, rice bowls and banh bao (Burrito : Taco :: Banh mi : Banh bao).  "The rice bowl caught my eye," said Spira (below, left), "because it was more in line with my expectations." One thing Spira would learn about being in 'Nam: expect the unexpected.

Spira reads up on rice bowls and Rob prepares to deal a left handed Rambo chop to an innocent customer

None of us exhibited Uncommon Valor when it came time to order. Both Ofmans, as well as Spira and Nakitas (perfect names for a show on TNT) ordered the pork belly banh mi while Rob opted for "The VBQ," just as i predicted he would prior to his arrival. My first bite was on the section of sandwich with the highest concentration of jalapeno.  After recovering sensation on my tongue I found my banh mi tasted great and was only improved upon by the array of available sauces. Hoisin, Sriracha, and an unmarked bottle of red mystery sauce made each bite a unique and flavorful experience. "Quite good," (Lieutenant) Dan Ofman said between inhalation of sandwich halves, "hot fresh bread...can't get enough pork!"

Despite only being there for a short time we had already developed a first name basis with the staff. They knew us because we gave them our names and I thought it was safe, though politically incorrect to call them Charlie. "Hey Dan," Charlie said reaching over the counter with banh mi in hand, "can you pass this to Rob?"

Bobbo's Banh Bao

If we came for the banh mi, we stayed for the banh bao. These dough wrapped Vietnamese sliders were particularly well received by Rob, who expressed an interest in ordering multiple banh bao in place of a banh mi. It would be like a Vietnamese Dollar menu, only their currency is called the Dong. I would hesitate to order off the Dong menu.

Our tour of duty in 'Nam may not have been as harrowing as others, but I'm proud of my men for surviving it. We crawled through a river of Sriracha and came out clean on the other side. We were soldiers. We ate lunch.

Saigon Notes:

• No green berets were seen, but they are trained to be invisible.
• Complimentary body lotion in the restroom. Slightly odd.
• Some grumbling was heard from the group concerning the extra few blocks of travel. Perhaps they don't realize how brutal my Metra commute is each week.